So drunk its hurt
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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