Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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