For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
