when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
