Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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