What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
