OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
