Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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