I am spending my child support on dildos
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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