Define "chronic" masturbator.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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