Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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