I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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