she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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