Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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