I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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