so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
