Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
