the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
