I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
