I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
