a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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