The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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