It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
