Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
