I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
