just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
