ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
