When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
