I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
cat food counts as protein by the way
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
