Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
