This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
