it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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