dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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