member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
