I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
