We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
