just tell him i said nine months
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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