is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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