I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
