Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
