Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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