my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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