i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
