I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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