Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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