They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
