yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
