Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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