The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
