My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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