I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize