GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
