what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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