I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
