I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
