i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
