just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
