i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize