I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
True strength comes from lack of pants
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
