woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm at about main and main street
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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