the condom got lost in my hair
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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