Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
