Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize