he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
