I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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