I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
