I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How external is "for external use only"?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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