***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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