Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
