I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
