he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
