Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
