I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
