I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
