ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
