i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
