Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
