dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
