imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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