Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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