I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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