I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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