I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
