I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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