you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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