Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
