The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
