Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
