So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
