I think im going to throw up on grandma
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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