Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
