Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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