The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
