i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
