wakey wakey hands off snakey
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize