You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
