my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
