Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
