What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
