I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
