She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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