My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
