Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
