I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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