PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
