So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
