Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
accomplished twins. life is a go
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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