I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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