Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This house was built for laser tag.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry about my life...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
