so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
