so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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